mistletoe mischief managed
by thelilacfield
Summary: In which Sirius had mistletoe and magic, Fleur is jealous and Tonks is apparently ugly.


This is an AU, set sixth year, in which Sirius is still alive and pranking and the Order still use Grimmauld Place as their headquarters.

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><p><span>mistletoe mischief managed<span>

Chuckling quietly to himself, Sirius finally positioned the last sprig of mistletoe directly above the door, perfectly prepared for the arrival of Snape. The meeting had been put on hold until he arrived and no doubt Remus and Tonks were pretending to be completely engaged in conversation with Kingsley and Mad-Eye while secretly eyeing each other up.

Grinning, he placed a charm on the festive plant that meant anyone who stood beneath it couldn't move until they were kissed. And not just anywhere: on the lips. Oh, he was going to enjoy watching Snape suffer because no one wanted to kiss him.

"Speak of the devil," he muttered to himself as the locks clicked open and revealed Snape in all his bat-like glory. The slimy git smirked at him and neatly side-stepped around the mistletoe, avoiding the charm and making it through safely.

"I suffered your pranks for seven years, Black," he murmured. "I'm insulted you'd think I'd be fooled by the same trick you pulled in third year."

Sirius just glared at him until the greasy prat swooped across the dusty hallway to join the Order in the kitchen. After all, hopefully someone would be blind enough to entirely miss the sprig near the silver cabinet.

As luck would have it, he'd barely stepped over the threshold of the room before Tonks, the clumsy woman, tripped over a stack of old newspapers left by Mundungus and crashed into the wall by the silver cabinet. As she stood up and made to move away, she looked up and blushed furiously on realising she was underneath the mistletoe.

Looking around at everyone, smothering grins and chuckles, she saw Sirius weak with silent laughter and her eyes flashed with anger. "Sirius Orion Black, I am going to kill you, string you up by your toes and use you as a piñata!" she shrieked. It was simply too much for anyone and laughter rent the air.

"Someone help her!" Kingsley ordered when everyone had finally calmed down enough to be coherent and were wiping tears of mirth from their cheeks.

"'Fraid it won't do any good, old bean," Sirius said cheerily, taking his seat and reaching for the jug of pumpkin juice. "My dear cousin over there won't be moving until someone kisses her. On the lips." A groan rose from the male population of the room while the women giggled or, if they were Fleur, stomped hard on their man's foot.

"Well?" Tonks demanded, arms folded indignantly as she stood beneath the mistletoe, glowering at Sirius. When no one moved and all the men simply refused to catch her eye, she added, "Oh, _come on_, I'm not that ugly!"

"I would agree with that statement," Charlie muttered. Glancing at Fleur's steely glare, Bill kicked his brother beneath the table, causing the younger of the two to yelp in surprise and pain and rub his shin.

"Well, then, brother, you dated her for three years," Bill said, causing several people to break out into laughter and Charlie and Tonks to blush. "You go snog her, then we can get on with this meeting."

"No way!" Charlie yelped, grabbing the table as if Bill was about to go and drag him to Tonks. "I stopped liking her a long time ago."

"AKA he's gay," Sirius whispered in a deliberately carrying voice. Bill and Fred and George, who had apparently snuck in when everyone was distracted, fell about and Charlie glared. "Or he's made the choice of bestiality, one of the two."

"Sirius, be serious!" Molly sighed exasperatedly.

"But I am Sirius!" Sirius cried, throwing up his hands melodramatically. Everyone groaned at the repetition of the over-used and certainly not funny pun.

"Oh, don't be so immature!" Molly snapped. "For heaven's sake, someone just kiss Tonks so we can get on with this meeting!"

"I nominate Remus," Charlie piped up, his blush having finally faded. A general murmur of agreement filled the room, Molly nodding approvingly and smiling as she caught Sirius' wink.

An innocent whistle came from Sirius as he casually yanked out his best mate's chair and sent Remus toppling to the ground. Desperately trying to keep straight faces, the Order, plus Fred and George, watched the long-suffering werewolf take the walk of shame around the table to where Tonks stood, looking pathetically grateful at finally being released from her prison.

The people who had noticed the electric glances and perhaps, like Molly, even heard the words from Tonks' mouth, all exchanged a look as the two in question looked at each other for a long moment.

Then Remus sighed, muttered a, "What the heck?" heard by only a few and kissed her. Molly smiled wide and dabbed her eyes a little, her four sons rolling their eyes as one at her sappiness.

A minute later, Sirius was looking a little green and weakly called out, "Okay, she's released now, you can stop!" Yet it seemed the couple were lost in their own little world.

Mad-Eye let off a firecracker from his wand which seemed to bring the couple back to earth. Both blushing, they took seats as far away from each other as possible and didn't lift their eyes from the polished wooden surface of the table.

"Now that's over with, we can proceed with the meeting," Mad-Eye said in his gruff voice, gathering everyone's attention. "Kingsley, what are the reports on the location of Bellatrix Lestrange?"

"She was last sighted on the moors of Scotland, but there have been no concrete reports," Kingsley answered, flicking through sheets of parchments. "We believe You-Know-Who has her gathering new followers and sympathisers for the army he's assembling."

"Good, and her role in the organisation?"

"She is You-Know-Who's right hand woman. If we can take her, much of the operation will fold. But she's tough, a well-trained fighter and definitely insane. She would be hard to defeat."

"Sturgis, do you have anymore on the Death Eaters?"

The meeting proceeded as normal, though there was the added entertainment of silently laughing at Remus and Tonks' faces. Even after their blushes subsided and when they were called upon to report their latest findings, both refused to look at the other or catch the eye of anyone in the room.

When the meeting was over Tonks fled to the living room while Remus remained still in the kitchen. As Sirius climbed the stairs with Molly to call the children from their rooms, the woman observed, "You really have to wonder how both of them can be so oblivious. Really, it's quite obvious how much they feel for each other."

"They just need a good kick up the arse," Sirius replied. "It's so in-our-faces how they feel, they really need to just admit it and have a good snog."

"Just not in front of you," Molly laughed. Sirius flinched uncomfortably, running a hand awkwardly through his hair.

"Well, it's my best mate…and my cousin!" he choked out. "You've gotta understand it's horribly awkward for me."

"I know, I understand," Molly soothed. "It's like watching my boys kissing girls when I still see them as babies in my arms."

When Sirius returned downstairs after feeding Buckbeak and singing him to sleep with a _spectacular _rendition of _God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs_ to find Remus and Tonks in the living room, sitting side-by-side on the sofa. He was ready to walk in when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Don't," Mad-Eye growled. "Let them talk." No sooner had the man limped away than Sirius beckoned Fred and George over.

"You wouldn't happen to have any Extendable Ears on you?" The twins looked at each other, grinned and nodded as one.

A second later the three of them stood with pieces of flesh-coloured string pressed to their ears, listening to the conversation inside.

"Nymphadora, you must understand that I kissed you to help you."

"That's bull, Remus, you and I both know it! You kissed me because you felt something for me, and I feel something for you. Everyone can see it or they wouldn't have forced you to help me!"

"Nymphadora, I'm not the right man for you. I'm too old, too poor, too dangerous. Your parents would never approve and I hate to think of what Sirius would say."

"Stuff my parents, and stuff Sirius. I don't care what they think, it's what you and I think that matters!"

Sirius and the twins stopped listening as Molly rounded the corner. She smiled at them and they knew that she knew exactly what they were up to.

However, the dressing-down they later received from her, the confiscation of the Extendable Ears and never knowing how the conversation ended was worth it the same night when Remus and Tonks sat with hands held where they thought no one could say and occasionally exchanging long, adoring looks.

It was nauseating, but it had been the aim of the game all along.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed the mistletoe mischief and consider it managed ;)<p>

Please don't favourite without reviewing, thankee muchly! :D


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